How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
