You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
