Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
