I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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