Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
