I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
