I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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