I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
