I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
