I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
