He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
