Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
