They should really pass out barf bags in church
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
