The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
