surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
