I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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