I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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