is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
