im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
