did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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