There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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