Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
