haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
