There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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