I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
