great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
time to smoke my breakfast
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
