Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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