Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
