Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
