I can tuck mytits in my pants
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You made out with two different species that night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
