Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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