Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
