Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
