She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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