The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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