I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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