Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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