i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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