Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
