TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
