she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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