OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i already hear my dad disowning me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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