people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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