Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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