too bad you live with your parents still
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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