grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The air was thick with penises
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
