i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
