remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
