If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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