Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize