Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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