see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
