Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize