I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
