I CAN MOONWALK!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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