she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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