If that was your dad, he is hot
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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