Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
